Yet another problem

[steamboatmodel]

Eddy,
If Roz had any Credit Cards cancel them immediately. When my parents died they apparently spent more the first month after death on there Credit Cards then they had the whole time they were alive. It took me about a year each time to straighten it out.
Regards,
Gerald.

[Hankwilliams]

Eddy,

my deepest condolence to you and your family.

Tom

[Eddy Matthews]

As some of you will know, I have a mentally and physically handicapped daughter, Christine....

I received a couple of letters from the DHSS about her benefits on friday, one of which contained a form that needed to be completed and returned. Unfortunately I couldn't answer a couple of the questions, as they related to benefits that were paid to either me or my wife on Christines behalf - So I phoned them this morning to ask which one of us got the various benefits..... A simple enough question you would have thought?

I'm legally appointed as Christines representative, as she is unable to communicate, but because my head is so scrambled after Roz's death, I couldn't answer their security questions correctly - And because of the data protection act they wouldn't speak to me! Even though I explained things and pleaded with them! Their answer was that I should call back later, and PERHAPS (only perhaps), I might get asked some different security questions that I would be able to answer - I tried that and got asked exactly the same questions again!!

Sadly this isn't the first time I've experienced the pure pig headedness of Government departments. They always seem to do these things at the time when you can least cope with it all!

Eventually I got in touch with Christines care worker, and she phoned them on my behalf - So I eventually got the answer that I wanted....

But it took over 3 hours and was extremely upsetting! I don't think these little jobsworths have any compassion at all, in fact I doubt they even know the meaning of the word!

Sorry, but I just had to get that little lot off my chest....

Eddy

[neil howard-pritchard]

they are complete t o s s e r s , eddie, and no matter how you speak to them, they are mere automatons of a very selfish governmental department.
i once chained myself to a woman's radiator at our local dole office because of their intransigence.

every summer hols whilst at uni, i used to go and sign on and would ask for work.
because it would only be for eight weeks they couln't give me any.....no one wanted to take someone on for that short period.so i'd sign on for the dole.....every year we'd go through the same rigmarol and i would get dole money backdated but it would arrive in the middle of october well after i'd gone back to uni......then i'd have to go through the same ol' same ol' of giving them back the money cheque as it was too much, and then they'd finally get the right amount to me just in time for christmas, lol.
well, after the third year i told them i'd had enough of their idiocy and either wanted a job or dole to see me through the summer holiday....can't do said the spotty youth on the counter..........

i wanna see a supervisor said i.

after waiting about 30 minutes i got to see one, and i explained the situation as it had happenned the last two years........stoney faced, she just shrugged her shoulders and said..that's the system..
so i told her that if she didn't do something i would chain myself to her radiator till she did.
thinking i was joking  she told me to go ahead.....so i did, putting the chain from my bike through my trouser leg, and locking the padlock......her face was priceless.......took her ten minutes of just looking to realise i'd done it.......then the flap was on......whilst i sat there reading a book, no end of people came to look at me...two hours i sat there, and even got offered a brew and butties.......at last a copper turned up and asked me to unlock myself......hadn't got a key i told him........then came the seargent, and finally an inspector [ these were in the days when there were more rozzers than crims]...finally the inspecter told the seargent who told the constable to take my trousers off me and escort me from the premeses........to which i replied that i wasn't going out into the street cos i'd no grundies under my trousers...........half an hour passed when a local garage man came with some bolt cutters.......my parting shot to the now quite quivvering woman was...i'll be back next tuesday..........my dole money arrived two days later, lol

that's the only thing these people understand....sheer embarrasment, lol

[Eddy Matthews]

The life insurance company rang me today - Now I need to get a "Grant of representation" from the Probate office before they will settle Roz's life insurance payment

So I rang the probate office in Newcastle - They will send the forms I need to complete in the next 10 days, then it will take 6 weeks to process everything, and that's before I can even send off the paperwork to the insurance company, so realistically I'm looking at about 2 months to get it all sorted.

Why do all these people make things so damned difficult? It's not as if we're talking hundreds of thousands of pounds! By the time I've paid all the funeral expenses we will be lucky to have about twelve thousand pounds left, and that has to last for the rest of my life as we have no other savings or assets.... And these people wonder why I'm a pee'd off and angry!

Eddy

[tonyh]

Here is another tale of woe with government departments re: deaths -
Earlier this year my wife's mother died, leaving her 81 year old dad and ESN brother to fend for themselves. Since her death, the local authority have sent him 7 different demands for council tax on their property. He was near to tears when the last one arrived with a nasty note, threatening legal action.
Seems a lot of hassle caused for a demand of just £10, when the account was still open for a simple direct debit to be taken from his account.
In desparation he managed to contact the local councillor who has arranged to meet the authorities Director of Finance.
It shouldn't happen to an 81 year old OAP who is not in good health, looking after an ESN son, has never owed anyone a penny and spent the bulk of his life working.
Tony.

[Eddy Matthews]

This may sound like a bit of ranting and raving, but I hope people won't take it that way, and just think about it for a while..... It might just help out someone else in the future.

It's now 25 days since Roz passed away, and it's been hard (very hard), to come to terms with things. Of course there are lots of times when silly little memories bring on floods of tears, and I'm sure that will continue for a long time. Hans Freund (scotfriend) and his girlfriend, Beate, came to visit the day after Roz died. But apart from that, during those 25 days, only two people have been to visit me - And I had to ask them both to come over, when I was feeling particularly down and damned lonely!

I realise that I'm not the most happy or chatty person to be around right now, and that people just don't know what to say.... But it's not a question of saying anything, just being there is enough! So if you have a friend who has lost a loved one, please don't avoid them as if they have the plague - Go and see them! They WILL appreciate it more than you can imagine!

Regards
Eddy

[steamboatmodel]

Eddy,
I would pop over and visit, but I can't do the backstroke for that long plus my luck if I did make it Greenp**s would mistake me for a whale and keep shoving me back in the water. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. It is sometimes hard to judge as to whether some one wants company or solitude after the death of a loved one.
Regards,
Gerald.

[john s]

Ive just read these postings with tears in my eyes. What can i
say? My thoughts are with you .We all have to part one day. Sadly
for you to soon. Youve a lot of caring friends on this forum.Like me
some will not know what to say.John

[mogogear]

I am very very new here Eddy and do not know you long term as other members do.

Many of us or others do know know how to act when confronted with friends or neighbors losses. Sharing it here is a good start- So is getting out so others can see that you are functioning-  or invite a few over for a pint etc. around the shop or fiddle with some boats.

Many people have poor skills in this area and letting them know that YOU are still alive and in need of contact is a good way to get them off the mark.

Pop to you local pub for a pint and let the bar man know you are able to bend your elbow may help spread the word to others!! You never know.

Prayers for you and your daughter !!

[Eddy Matthews]

Thanks for all the kind words guys....

I was just starting to think I was coming to terms with things after 7 weeks, but the last few days have been nothing but sad memories and floods of tears I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy!

I'm still fighting beaurocracy - I eventually have an appointment with the probate office, 20th July! Good to see another government department that hurries things along eh? I applied for bereavement benefit which was awarded earlier this week, I then got a letter saying that the carers allowance I get for looking after my handicapped daughter would be stopped because the bereavement benefit took my income over the allowed amount - So they gave with one hand and took back with the other!

I'm seriously thinking of asking my doctor to arrange some counselling to help me get over this - I'm finding things incredibly difficult to deal with, and I just don't know where to turn to! My friends keep asking if I'm okay, and I just say "Yes, I'm fine..." - That certainly isn't true, but it's easier than telling the truth! And I don't want to constantly appear to be down in the dumps (to use an English expression), as I'm sure they would soon get tired of that!

Eddy

[lenknight]

Hello Eddy,
I am so sorry you are having all this agro at times you less need it, life is difficult enough at present for you, my heart goes out for you and family, as ever over your sad loss.
Governments department seem indifferent of times of grief, in their drive to give all their so called rights, but also making sure that all avenues to recover are in place, I have had experience if this in the past of obtaining help from the powers to be, almost being giving the impression of making it too hard to apply at times!!!.
Albeit these grants are available, there are pitfalls galore, to eventually getting your rights, more so this “Bereavement Allowance” which you are now becoming aware of.
I do not wish to tell you where to go or look, as I am sure you are quite a capable person and try your best for your family, but at times despair seems to rule, but our inner self takes over and gets control.
For what use it may be look at this site:
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/information__resources/benefits/bereavement_allowance.aspxAs a fellow sufferer over the years, you have my commiserations. (If you are not happy, question the results)!
Regards, Len Knight.

[old man]

Hi Eddy
            Sometimes it pays to blow your top with these petty officals ., I applied for this fund of my late sister inlaw and I tried to be polite and I tried to do things according to the book but after the fourth visit to clear up yet another point I must admit I lost the plot after ranting and raving for a bit I calmed down  and low and behold they could not do enough!! My sister-in-law left behind a ten year old daughter ( no husband )..
 
      So you just hang in there Eddy and if you feel it is right go for it . And remember YOU EARNT IT

Old Man

[Eddy Matthews]

Well, what to say?.......

I've been finding it incredibly difficult to deal with Roz's death.... As most people who know me would probably say, I'm able to cope with everything that life throws at me and always come out of it as a stronger person in the end. But not this time!

My emotions are all over the place, feelings of anger directed at my two girls (who don't deserve it!), feelings of guilt with lots of "what if's" when I think back about Roz, and worst of all feelings of total loneliness! I've cried and been upset before, when my mum and dad died, and when we lost our first child (Susan), but nothing even comes close to how I feel right now

I'm still losing weight, and I'm now under twelve and a half stone, when my average weight has been around 16-16.5 for years. I can get to sleep fine, but after 3-4 hours I'm wide awake, and cannot go back to sleep even though I feel shattered.... So I end up making myself a cup of tea and sitting in front of the computer for hours on end.

So I went to see my doctor yesterday - The end result is that I'm now being treated for depression and have a small supply of sleeping tablets to help get a full nights sleep. She thinks it's too early to consider any bereavement counselling until the emotions aren't quite as raw as they are now. I have another apointment to see her in a few weeks, so we'll see how it goes.... I don't realy feel too hopeful right now

Sorry to bore everyone yet again....
Eddy

[andy]

Hi Eddy,

sonds not so fine. What about the built of a new paddle steamer than eating medicine? Could bring other thoughts to you!

Andy