Qantas!

[Eddy Matthews]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a High School Diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely In our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots P(ilot) And the solutions recorded (marked with an M(aintenance) by Maintenance Engineers.


By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Below is taken from Qantas maintance logs for 2006.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget

Eddy

[derekwarner_decoy]

Hi PD's....& as Eddy says...

by the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident

Well almost correct.....we did have a Jumbo  :pig_flying that skidded off into a ditch in Asia during rain :ohno

But anyway thanks cause we Ozies are  :yeah    ...we drink lots of   with Iron Ore on toast  to make us tough & :no1... ...then for late afternoon tea a plate of plutoninum fines all washed down with a few  

[bogstandard]

Typical,
Might be good fliers, but lousy drivers, can't even handle a bit of rain. :bump   :twisted:

[derekwarner_decoy]

PD's......this latest comment is from one who proudly dispalys his RAF insignia..... :respect2

...but hold on  :rant ..does history not confirm that a few OZ pilots transferred from the RAAF to the RAF to be flight instructors for trainee POMS :nah  &  

Based upon this latest evidence......I rest my OZ  :no1  :case    

[bogstandard]

Derek,

History does confirm that we let you help to train pilots, we felt sorry for you, so let you help to make you feel wanted. :lol:

If you read my post correctly (assuming you can understand words longer than three letters) you will find it was not about your ability to fly like supposedly supermen, but in your ground based driving abilities. :nah

The roads in Oz are mainly totally straight, so when you come to a bend all hell breaks loose and you don't know which way to turn the wheel.

You're the one who started all this by taking a purely simple statement about Quantas, and turning yourselves into a race, in your own minds, of superbeings. :  :

Yoghurt has more culture  than you load of convicts and worldwide jetsam (not flotsam, that is sometimes useful).

 :boom  :rant        

John, Bandit, Vinnie the Mog, Superbeings Extraordinaire      

[thewharfonline]

Alas I'm afraid Ozzies I shall have to let the team down.

I went for my P's today and failed- I guess once again proving we are bad drivers!

Great way to spoil the morning of my birthday.

Although it's great that Qantas hasn't had any accidents does one ever look from the other side of the cup- when is it going to have it's first.

Sean